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Feb. 9th, 2010

Looong time

Wow, so moving in and everything happened.
Ive been insanely busy, haven't even spent any time on the computer.
Whats new?
*Started Writing a book, pretty far thru it
*Been working on the house like crazy, next up is the studio
*got  a new kitten in sept.
*had one room mate move in sept.
*third room mate in January
*havent done really any art since moving in.
*went to london
*heading to hawaii next week with the boy for our 3 year anniversary
I cant think of anything else right now lol

I guess thats all for the moment once i start using my laptop again ill start posting more.

much love until my return

Aug. 11th, 2009

the look down

home sweet home

in one week, and one day I will own a house.
I will have keys to a new life.
i will have a place to call my own and not have to answer to someone else to paint the walls or blare music.
I will have a safe place, a comfort, a home.  somthing i havent had in a very long time.

I'm 21. About to buy a house.
Funny thing is I still wont be "good enough" for everyone in my family.
This proves the fact that my life and everything/one in it dosen't give a shit about me or my feelings.
Half of them wrote me off for life, all because of my father. My father who was the best man i've ever met. (its not me being bias)
The other half are to absorbed in their own life to care, to think, or speak to me. Im amazed at the this fact.
Am I really that bad? Am i really not worth love from my own flesh and blood?

in 8 days I will acomplish something they never have.

....why do I want to rub their faces in this fact so badly.

I am changing a life-shattering event into a new life for myself................. God.. what i would give for him to see this house, and tell me he was proud.

Jul. 10th, 2009

.........to kill a mockingbird

so uh....
anyone know how to get rid of a mocking bird? lol

Theres one about 15 feet from my bdrom window.

Im going crazy.
Full on CRAZY.
the thing sounds like DAne cooks car alarm joke.
I swear its chirping.... "wakeupwakeupwakeup"
I have found NOTHING online about how to get rid of it.


if i dont get a decent nights sleep soon...

 I was contimplating the bug-spray flamethrower trick. thats how close i am to losing it.


Jun. 21st, 2009


Waiting for the Karma Train,

First fathers day with out him.
I only crawled out of bed at 7pm because i had to pee and needed a cig. I crawled right back in,

I'm at the moment curled up around my laptop trying to keep my fingers moving so that i feel like i've acomplished something today
I didnt realize i didnt post about Grandmom. She passed and her funeral was tuesday. my "family" couldnt have avoided me anymore then they did. In fact my "uncles" that were around my whole life avoided me and my uncle whom i didnt know exist for so long steped up and was an uncle.

Whoo hoo for shitty family and horrible souls.

Im going back to bed.

Jun. 10th, 2009

Sucks to be me.

so im on my new laptop on my balcony looking at the ocean......wearing my bug-eyed babies. Yet Im coming home in a few hours.
My vacation away is a flop.

Grandmom had a stroke and has a tear in her heart, and her kidneys failed so I gotta go home to see her. From what Im hearing its not gunna be good. But what in my life is good anymore?

I went shopping to get a weeks worth of shopping done in a few hours... and spent a lil to much but whatever. I felt a little better. So Im waiting for Jer to come pick me up. I think Gram is still in ICU at ephrata if not shes been moved to lancaster general.

I should go pack ... i really dont feel like it though. I cant bring myself to leave the balcony.

If i hear "damn shes Stacked" one more time Im gunna throw one of these lil teenie-boppers off the 7th Floor balcony.


Jun. 7th, 2009

(no subject)

Turkish poet Rumi:

Our death is our wedding with eternity
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

Jun. 4th, 2009

Im Vista's Bitch

Ok so Gertie showed. And shes HUGE. i did not realize how freakin big a 15.4 moniter is on a lappie.  and shes got a full keyboard. So yeah this beast will not be for playin around outside with lol. And I also found that i HATE vista. I had a lovely mini-nervous breakdown because of it. Somone get the big red stamp and put it on my forehead, "Vistas' Bitch"

I feel like crap... leave it to me getting sick 3 days before i leave for the beach. ARHGASHHAGHAg!!!! lol ya that about covers it.
Sims 3. Not what i was expecting big let down.

Good things that i was looking forward too that didnt let me down this week:
-my etsy buys
-Glasses show tomorrow
-beach is still on
- still gunna be 21 on senor week.

ugh still gotta do laundry, pack and condense art shit into my travel case, cause i know ill wanna do somtihng while there staring at the ocean on my balcony. (it better not suck considering how much money i spent... it better be freakin ocean front lol... eh fuck ocean front. OCEAN ON!!)

ok done with my dribbles about this week.


Jun. 2nd, 2009


Gertie BaBiE

Ok ...so hopefully the next time i post i will be on my balcony on my new laptop at the beach...

I can not wait for the sun, and some water lol. Im not a beach goer, not at all really.... I always bitch about the sand and such but I need out for a lil bit.

Random- my turtle is freakin HUGE i got her at 4inches in september of last year. she is now almost 8 inches. Her name has changed from brody monroe to "gigantour" only because i cant pick her up anymore my hands dont fit around her. Why are all my pets Huge? lol i keep having to change their names because they are freakin ridiculous. Sorry we just cleaned her tank and i couldnt pick her up.

I ordered a new laptop, got a new digital camera today, 6 (yes 6) moleskienes and the 156 prismacolour marker set.
I'm hoping this will put my ass in gear to create some more stuff... if not then well shit i got good stuff to play with hehe.

a friend and I talked aboutt maybe doing a photo excursions, so i might get some new stuff for my next showing. If not then ill take some stocks for my drawing/painting.

I actually managed to go thru with a plan! im in shock, and very happy. I got everything on my list that i needed once i got my money and now i have extra money for emergencies (i never complete anything)

Things Im looking forward too:
-Photo excursions with my new cam
-Sims 3
-photoshop (how i missed thee)
-Gertie (my laptop that i should get tomorrow or the next day ::squeeeeee::)
-learning how the hell to work my camera (i used to be so good at that shit)
-being 21 on senor week... lol yay! leo was right I am a loser
-all my etsy buys to come
-Working on Kaylinns book
-new glasses hopefully show up soon

There was somthing I wanted to write but i can not remember it for the life of me lol
Ill havta edit tomorrow anyway since i cant see my screen (i cant find my glasses lol)
oh well.
I guess thats all for now

May. 18th, 2009

Holy Eyebrows Batman!

Holy freakin crap. I have not had so much fun since i was in High school. It was a good weekend, I remembered why i love my best friend as much as I do.

High points:
-getting nose pierced again cause, "why the heck not"

-Cussing out 13 year olds who called me "scene". Yes, I did it. Everything they were wearing was from Hot topic. Yet i was "scene" LOL I had a shirt on that I printed, myself, home-fuckin made, and I'm scene? I think My shirt was older then they were. Gah Im so mad at that right now. Somhow wearing a flower in my hair and janis-joplin sunglasses make me "scene". Granted I was wearing a sweatshirt that was kinda the typical "scene" kid shit but yeah i was fuckin cold and it was the first thing I found in kates closet.  I dont know what came over me to be completely honest, Ive never screamed/cussed sumone out across a street, but i was having a great day and they bust that out, I lost it. I took a page outta mathew lillerd in SLC punk. the famous "Im finally 18, and i can say FUuuuuuuCk Yoooouuuu" ::double middles::. .... yeah my mature ass whiped out the double middles and screamed, "im scene? U fuckin hipsters.... Fuuuuuccccckkkk youuuuu" then I filled kaylinn on what they said and yea, had to hold her back. I dont take kindly to stupid people as of late.

-We went to ross for some clothing.... I got my ass slapped by a 5 year old. Yep just ran up spanked me and was gone in .5 seconds. The lady at ross had insane Eyebrows. they were mad anime eyebrows. They actually LOOKED sharp, like to the touch. And they went all the way to her hairline on both sides. How is this possible? lol cause they WERE NOT penciled. I kept txting kaylinn "holy eyebrows batman." "dude if she was a cavewomen she could hunt with those fuckers" yeah we are bad. But it was fun.

-new sunglasses, janis-joplin style. SOOO happy about that. I missed my bug eyed babies.

-I actually acomplished my goal when I with kaylinn. I wanted new clothes with no band logos or writing and jeans. for under $250 I got 10 shirts (jeans and/or work stuff, if i get a "real" job) 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of sunglasses, a sweatshirt, a big ass hair flower, & a new wallet (in LOVE with it btw).

-JACKPOT... I got the mana pots Ive been wanting, but not wanted to buy a case of em. So woot. I now have a bottle of me. lol i suck at life.

-Got first season of six feet under. OH MY GOD. obsession.  i think ill be away from my pc all week, cause now we have 1-4. next week depending on how many seasons I get threw in the next few days, Ill pick them up too..watch 3 episodes... and will probably watch  2 more before i pass out.

-Skip James is my GOD. at the moment lol. Ive been singing devil got my women all day.

-Nxt flea market Im so setting up. me and kaylinn could make a killin. I did get 7 pieces of art, and an e-mail/webbie of one of the artists i chatted with.

- I finally got my squirtle today, yes the pokemon. but I collect turtles, and i have over 200 turtle "things" and didnt have a single squirtle. granted most of my "tuts" are handcarved stone and/or old lady figurines. But now i have him. I hugged the girl i bought it from, cause i've been searching about 5 years now for one. Yes I AM  that  much of a loser.

Ok I need to go watch another episode or two. and hang my new art :)

May. 13th, 2009


(no subject)

ok since I sucked up the Project April, and didnt do it. Revisions to this years plan/goals are now being made.

3 images a day must be found and printed/saved for the insprition notebook.

I sit on my pc for hours anyway now i just have to do something. And this'll be like an artists date thing anyway which gets into what i want too.

New shit:
funfun filling came outta my tooth.  up to 30 tylinal today alone. Woot on that shit.
Art for skipp. 11x14 abstract in red.
Must go threw files I have and compress.
Start looking for laptop. and Camerea. And video camera. I want to be vlogging by september.
Think about beach trip. If its gunna be possible... etc. Mom would love it. and if me and leo do go them Kaylinn will come for fear of being neglected. HA! lol
MUNCHKIN DATE> must get wheels turning.

I cant think of anything else.

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